Characters/Pairing: Óin, Lóni
Warnings: Joking attitude taken to violent acts (helpful disclaimer–real violence is no laughing matter, kids).
Book/Source: The Fellowship of the Ring
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Tolkien. No profit reaped by myself, aside from a wealth of intellectual giddiness.
Summary: Lóni has some…thoughts…in the wake of an Orc skirmish. Answering the prompt “Recipe.”
Trading party encountered twelve Orcs south of Mirrormere. We and goods safe, three Orcs dead, rest fled. Back this evening. Sending Lóni ahead with these tidings. He has a ‘written report,’ thinks he’s clever.
Orc-kebab, as made out-of-doors by Lóni
1 fresh Orc
Separate head of Orc from body using axe.
Sharpen stick with knife.
Drive stick into earth, pointy end up.
To minimize mess, remove Orc head in one clean stroke.
Place Orc head firmly on stick. Leave for foes to enjoy.